"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
