I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
