how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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