I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
