he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
