you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
