i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
