yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
