Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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