You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
