Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize