I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
