My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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