your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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