i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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