I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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