so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize