Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
