Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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