this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
