i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You are the jesus of drinking
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
