Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
