quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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