You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
