forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize