but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
