saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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