If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
