Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
