She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
