is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
