well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
