just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
pray to the hookup gods
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
