when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love black thongs
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
