I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
