She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
