i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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