She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
