Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
