I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
