Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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