you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
