Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
