I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
