So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
