genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
