I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
