He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
