my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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