ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
