you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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