Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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