I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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