she was so not down for the gang bang
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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