I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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