Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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