Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
