I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
high people should be assigned attendants
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's get the cat blown out
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
