dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
