I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
