you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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