mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
