I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
