Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
