and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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