So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
