I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
