Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
