dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
