mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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