theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
