everyone is single if you try hard enough
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you had me at cake vodka
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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