he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
