Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize