i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
