just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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