Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
