after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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